A letter to a professor.

[Panoptimist]

I emailed this letter to a journalism professor after I was expelled from class and made to look like a lunatic when a student from Texas who is a Jew by blood was presenting to class a feature story on "techonlogy and Jewry during Shabbath."

I was ridiculed by the professor and entire class when I asked the author if she was able to obtain her information because she was not Goy (That went over the classes head.) SHe said "well, im not goy so..." and then exclaimed "Im offended im offended!" when I tried to explain what goyim was, though the rabble had already been roused and I was labeled crazy.

The professor asked my sudden outburst was because of something that happened in childhood, and I quickly made a retort about Jewish paedophilia and the Rabbi who had been busted just a few days ago, but by then hope was lost.

Here is the letter I sent to him earlier. (I live in New York by the way)

Professor xxxxx,

I don't believe that there are any Muslim women students in our classroom but if there had been on the day you displayed to the whole class images of mutilated Muslim women who were victims of self-immolation and told the class it was because they hated their religion, I'm sure they would have been ashamed - and that is putting it lightly. That was absolutely vulgar and disgusting.

Without any cultural background (what, the few sentences in the article about women hating their role as women in Muslim society?) or any history of what is happening in the Middle East, you presented a defamation piece to a group of students and told them it was objective news.

I have personally studied in a university classroom the role of Muslim women in Muslim society and I never once walked away with the feeling that Muslim women hate themselves and their position as members of a religious community. In fact, the women in each of the ethnographies that I read were nothing but proud of who they were. Would be it fair to write a piece on Christian-born American homosexuals who've attempted suicide and blame the Christian religion as whole?

Because students are presented with stories written in this manner and told that it is objective fact, they are developing warped perspectives on what is happening around them and in the world. How come we never read in the New York Times a piece about a Palestinian family whose home was bulldozed by Israeli Armed Forces (paid for by American taxpayer money) and was forced to move into a "settlement camp" that is the equivalent of an outdoor prison? I think at least we should know because we are paying for it.

We're also paying for the homes of the perpetrators of this genocide that are built on top of the ashes, while millions of Americans continue to lose their jobs and homes. Quite frankly, the situation is pathetic.

Why not also show students the Times piece on the fraudulent Holocaust fund? Why are "victims" lying to extort yet more money from people who had nothing to do with such an incident?

Code Select Expand

   "But many of the stories were works of fiction or embellishment of facts, perpetrated by a group that included six employees and custodians of the fund, which is based in New York, federal prosecutors said on Tuesday. Eleven other defendants were outsiders who recruited and funneled applicants to the programs. "

Naturally, Professor Ho  well, this makes me wonder to what extent this is really happening. I'm beginning to develop a good idea, and it is quite scary.

It is only fair that we, as students of the university and of life, are given - particularly in an academic setting - an opportunity to talk openly about such things.

When a particular subject is hastily swept out of view or diverted from public attention, or when anyone who mentions a particular topic is made to be a lunatic, it really just enforces the feeling that there truly is something to hide.

The psychological ramifications of such a system are truly disturbing and absolutely unfair to everyone who falls victim. The whole notion of giving with one hand what is taken with the other may keep many complacent, but some see it for what it is.

Personally, I cannot respect myself knowing what is happening around me and refusing to pay it any attention.

The memories of people such as Rachel Corrie shall continue flourish. To allow otherwise would be cowardice.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rachel_Corrie

Sincerely,
xxxxxx

[Wimpy]

Unfortunately, no matter how correct you are in your letter, Academia will prevail in their indoctrination and with their scorn and humiliation aimed at detractors.  Regardless of your test scores and exceptionally written reports it should be no surprise if you receive a Grade less than an "A".  

Resistance is futile and your compliance is mandatory. :slient:        

     

You're on their turf.

[Christopher Marlowe]

I admire your courage. When you get to be an older man, like me, you might start to fight less and consider tactics more, and then you wonder if you are being "smart" or a "coward"?  

Is it better to pick your fights, or just to fight whenever you see the enemy?  I don't know.  But I admire your courage anyway.  

If you stay in academia long enough, you will find that many of the faculties are full of liars, fools, homosexuals, and hypocrites.  It's interesting to see how few of these people with PhD.s have ever questioned the holohoax, or global warming, or any number of MSM lies.  Academics pride themselves on their open dialogue, but then turn a blind eye to the castigation of a colleague who dares to question any of the official lies.  

IMHO, things are becoming more corrupt as mankind turns away from God.  The first Universities of Europe grew out of the monastic missionary centers, and monks were the first professors.  Even in the US, Harvard, Yale and Princeton were started  as Christian schools.  But now all of these schools teach the "progressive" lies of the MSM.  Why haven't the "great minds" of these universities questioned the obvious fraud of 9/11 or the holohoax?  Holy cow, any idiot with internet access could have figured it out by now.  And yet there are these great universities, with billion dollar endowments, and students with high grades and test scores beating down the doors to get in, and still they promulgate the BIG LIES.  

I remember I was at a small group lecture at my school, and my professor was saying that if some act was passed or some issue didn't change, (or something, I forget) that it could lead to another holocaust.  And I sat there thinking: "How could this lady still believe in that crap?"  But I didn't say anything.  Why?  Because I hadn't gotten my grade yet?  Maybe.  

Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprise of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action.

I had the chance again.  Another professor, another class.  This time it was just the two of us in the class.  But this time I talked about the Nuremberg trials throwing the evidence book out of the window; and about how Justice Stone called them "high grade lynchings."  I talked about the used of shrunken skulls that were stolen from museums, as evidence of German atrocities.  And maybe this time I planted a seed of doubt.  

The professor asked, "But isn't it okay to use fake evidence to try Nazi criminals?"
"Then why try them at all?"  I said.  "If you're going to have a trial, you have to follow the rules."
Maybe I planted a seed of doubt in his mind.  Maybe he will look up the shrunken heads, and Justice Stone's comments.  Maybe he will find Germar Rudolf's books, and read about scientific proof that there were no mass graves, or human gas chambers.  Maybe.  Or maybe he will go to the nizkor site and then go watch Shindler's List.  Who knows?

I'm older and I pick my battles more than I used to when I was younger.  I try to use honey and catch more. I make friends with everyone, and so no one wants to oppose me.

I got mad at a fellow the other day. So I made a point to try to be nice to him. Now we are on friendly terms. He is older too, and probably doesn't want to fight either.  

Whatever happens, I hope you continue to search for truth and that you don't lose your courage.

[Panoptimist]

I don't like how I can't edit the post.

[Panoptimist]

Well, Chris, I'm fucked when it comes to academia.

It has been ingrained in me by one of my parents that I cannot succeed without a degree.

Overall I've performed exceptionally well throughout my collegiate career.

However, I've never been satisfied with answers unless I had proof. Fortunately or unfortunately this attitude has led me to the ultimate truth. The problem, however, is that my options seem barred. I've come to a point where I"m drowning in the hypocritical educational bureaucracy at the same time being so close to escaping it. However, I cannot graduate college in a matter of mere months only to be transferred to a cubicle somewhere promulgating untruths and pedagogues that stand for the opposite of freedom.

I have sent my resumes to certain outlets that are loosely aligned with some of the way that I feel, if only to prepare myself for work "in the real world" though the thought of it all depresses my extremely. I'm quite worried. I cannot see myself living a life full of lies and find it even harder to find balance more than ever.

Catching flies with honey as opposed to vinegar is something I always have had and still have to learn. However, some things to me are just so appalling that I cannot deal with them in any other way than emotionally. I'm emotionally driven as it is and that can get in the way of me navigating life. However, I've realized that social psychology has reached a point where it really will take some cataclysmic event for anything to change. And it is hard to cope with this.

[Christopher Marlowe]

Catching flies with honey as opposed to vinegar is something I always have had and still have to learn. However, some things to me are just so appalling that I cannot deal with them in any other way than emotionally. I'm emotionally driven as it is and that can get in the way of me navigating life. However, I've realized that social psychology has reached a point where it really will take some cataclysmic event for anything to change. And it is hard to cope with this.

I feel your pain.  

(Can you actually believe Clinton said that sh*t?)

But  actually, I do think I understand.  I know that I am helpless and that there is nothing I can do.  But I have faith in God, and I think he has a plan.  In fact, I have been studying the Fatima prophecies, and I think that the last century was laid out in Fatima.  There are so many things revealed in such a simple way that to me it shows divine origin.  I know it's probably not your cup of tea, but if you ever have some free time you might read up on Fatima.  There is also a series of videos that Fr. Gruner did.  They are posted at http://www.fatimaondemand.org/en/index.php/conferences

For example there is one interesting story that is related by Jim Condit, at the Hamilton 1999 conference.  Basically, one of the seers at Fatima said that the second great war would be preceded by a sign in the sky.  On January 25, 1938 some unexplained bright lights were seen in North America and Europe.  Condit tells the story of the interrogation of the Soviet Rakovsky, which led to WWII, and which took place on that very night.  In a very interesting twist, I don't know if it was purposeful, but in the book "Darkness at Noon", Arthur Koestler tells the story of a Rakovsky-like character, who is interrogated and tortured.  In that book, Koestler uses the recurring motif of the Pieta. Was Koestler referring to the bright lights at night that were predicted by the Blessed Mother at Fatima, or is this just coincidence?

My point here is that I find solitude when I see that these people were singled out by Jesus 2,000 years ago.  He says who they are, and he says he is going to come back and judge the earth.  There is no escaping this divine justice, so I realize that even if I can't do anything about it, Justice and Truth are going to triumph.  That is not to say that I don't have to work for truth, but rather that these thoughts give me solace when I feel overwhelmed by the amount of corruption.

[Panoptimist]

Chris,

Thanks for your input.

I'm at the point now (and I would have never believed that I would say this even a year ago) where I am truly considering adopting the Christian faith and getting baptized.

It's one of those things where above and beyond all things I know myself to be a single "consciousness" living life through experience. For this reason I was heavily attached to certain philosophies that seemed to understand this position and were even like consciousnesses speaking to me on solely a conscious level. In that I always thought there was something religious. For me maybe it was an issue of seeing God as an "intruder." I don't think I ever didn't have faith, it was just in the wrong things.

My recent diversion from the classroom (even though I've been in school, I just happen to be failing now) and into the biggest libraries in the country has revealed the answer to me.

It's almost like I'm looking for objective "knowledge" to solidify my relationship with God/Christ which is, conceptually speaking, the opposite of faith, but at the same time it is like I have found it.

However, I truly have not studied religion and particularly Christian scripture enough to reach the ultimate conclusion of conversion. I still must resolve a few things first.

But I know one thing, that atheism, at least as it currently exists is fallacy. And we will never be on the right track until we are able to deal with all of this in a "pure" manner. Civilization was founded on religion. This fact cannot be denied.

[Christopher Marlowe]

It's almost like I'm looking for objective "knowledge" to solidify my relationship with God/Christ which is, conceptually speaking, the opposite of faith, but at the same time it is like I have found it.

Yes, I think I understand this. Every time I looked at a Sacrament, I was skeptical and I wanted proof.  There is nothing wrong with being skeptical.

In my way of looking at things, there is nothing I can do to convince anyone about God because it is God who does the convincing. God predestines, calls, justifies and glorifies and I have nothing to do with it.  If you ask God, He will give you what you need.  

I remember at one time, perhaps I will reach this point again, when I could talk to God like he was my good friend. I would sit up at night and tell God everything.  Perhaps at some point my pride got in the way, and I hid my face.  Perhaps I am hiding still.  

I have come to see that a lot of my problems stem from my ego. I am full of pride and I am selfish.  So I'm asking God to help me with that.  And I'm a work in progress.  

But it is interesting that, at one point in my life I struggled to be free from all my fears.  Later on I started to see that a lot of my fears were wrapped up in my pride and selfishness.  In a sense, all fear is either: of losing something that I think I have; or of not getting something that I think I want/need.  If God helped me to lose my pride and selfishness, I would lose much of my fear.

There is an interesting expression: We are spiritual beings having a human experience.  

I could go on and on, but you don't need me to tell you what to do.  You sound like you're doing fine.

[Panoptimist]

I must admit it has been quite emotionally trying for me having moved from the calm mountains "where ignorance was bliss" to the middle of what I now call J.O.T. or "Jew Occupied Territory." I happened to have relocated to the heart of it, not knowing at all what I was getting myself into. I wanted to go to the city to become "educated" and to not be "left out" and to experience "culture." Boy was my head up my ass. I guess on some level it always has been. I've never been completely happy with myself and for that reason I guess I have always been running away, looking for a new situation outside myself.

But now I'm at God. And now I have almost stopped in his presence. My conceptions are still vague, but there is something there.

I miss what I took for granted back in the mountains.

As far as God, I am also unsure because I do not know of a place here where I can reach out. I don't know a church that is in align with my particular views. I don't know if there are any truly Christian churches here and I don't know how to find out.

Peace.

[HydroMoron]

Why would I worship "God"? I didn't ask be brought into this world via my dad's fucking penis and shat out via my mum's second anus/rectum aka womb.

Although I do have to appreciate "God"'s(whatever God means to me) nature and work with it.

[Panoptimist]

You should probably read Nesta Webster or Vicomte Leon De Poncins to get a better idea of the role religion plays in all of this.

Personally, I am coming to know God through my enlightenment in this sphere. I've also been studying Milton intensively and as of late I also quite enjoy Dostoievsky. This may partly be why I'm beginning to see God "in a new light."

Don't get me wrong, I used to study philosophy extensively, only to be severely disappointed with the results. I for a long time aligned myself with Sartre's particular ontology. However, even that was not satisfying to me who considers myself a "phenomenologist."

Ironically enough, it seems that the more I learn, the more I am pointed right back to God.

Again, you should probably situate your concepts of atheism in a somewhat academic context because at least in that way you will be able to discuss them intelligently and with purpose.

We will never come to realize truth unless we are able to shake the lies that have been fed to us for generations. Our concepts of religion and atheism simply are not pure in the way that they used to be. We are so far removed from any semblance of truth that it does truly seem that it will take a Miracle for us to find it again. It's not directly our fault, but we still at this moment have the choice to dismantle the lies.

The more I learn the more I'm inclined to conclude that atheism is just another lie.

[Christopher Marlowe]

I had a very interesting experience recently, and please forgive me if I am repeating myself.

I was late coming into the first philosophy class, and the Prof was giving a background to the philosophy of logic.  I was just getting into my seat, and the Prof was quoting the Bible verse: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."  

(It is not a religious class, and the Prof does not strike me as a religious person, but he was discussing the philosophic quest for the "Logos".)  

It is the teaching of the Catholic Church that Christ is the "Word", the Author of Life.  All things were made by Him.  

So when I was sitting down, and I heard the Prof say that, it made be mindful that I might be experiencing "a God thing".  What does that mean?

Later on, I was trying to get my thesis down to a workable size.  I had been forced to abandon most of what I had set down in my application in favor of something that was more focused.  I went to Mass that day, and I was a little late so I had to take a seat right up in the front. I was only a few feet from the lectern, and it crossed my mind that I should pay close attention to what was being read.  

That night I prayed and was inspired to focus my thesis on the implications of Godel's Incompleteness Theorem on a system of Laws.  The next day, my advisor was pleased with my choice and a great burden had been lifted from my shoulders.  

It wasn't until the following day that I realized the readings of those days had been closely following my progress.  The readings from Paul's letter to Titus had actually skipped over the relevant part, but the two days were bookends to a portion that actually described part of my thesis!  Look:

For there are also many disobedient, vain talkers, and seducers: especially they who are of the circumcision:

Who must be reproved, who subvert whole houses, teaching things which they ought not, for filthy lucre's sake. One of them a prophet of their own, said, The Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, slothful bellies. This testimony is true.

(The reading on the Monday ended before this section, there was a Feast day on Tuesday, and then the reading on Wednesday skipped to Titus 3, so this section was not read in Mass.)

If you look closely, you will see that St. Paul is discussing the Liar's paradox of Epimenedes, the Cretan.  The paradox here is created by the fact that a Cretan is talking about the truth value of statements made by Cretans.  (The Liar's Paradox is similar to Godel's theorem, except that the Truth is replaced by Provability.)  Up until that point, I had read Paul's letter to Titus many times without realizing he was referring to Epimenedes.  

Was that a God thing?  What does that mean?  How do I find meaning in my life? What does it mean to "mean" something? Context plays a great part in understanding. I've heard it said that a coincidence is when God does something great and no one is paying attention.  

Baby survives 7-story fall

An 18-month-old girl in Paris, France, appeared unhurt after falling seven stories and bouncing off an awning into a man's arms, witnesses told Le Parisien newspaper.

Witnesses said the child and a sibling had been left alone briefly Monday in their seventh-floor apartment in the city's 20th arrondissement, east of the central city. The girl fell out of a window, but a boy on the street saw her falling and alerted his father, who caught the baby after she bounced off the awning of a tobacco shop and cafe on the building's ground floor, the paper reported.

The man with the quick reflexes and good hands, a doctor, looked over the girl and didn't find any injuries, but handed her off to an ambulance crew to be safe, according to Le Parisien.

I have had many moments when I have seen God winking at me in the world. What is He saying? I don't know.  Maybe: "I'm here.  I love you.  Keep going.  Follow Me."  

I continue to read, and write, and hopefully to learn.  But I already know that Christ is the Logos. He is the source of all life and wisdom.  Everything is there with Christ. Everything I need can be found in Christ. Everything comes from Grace that flows from Christ.

The Catholic Church offers 7 Sacraments, from which Grace flows: Baptism, Confession/Reconciliation, Eucharist, Confirmation, Marriage, Holy Orders, Anointing of the Sick.  I go to Mass and receive the Eucharist as often as I can.
   
It is the teaching of the Church that there is the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist, and that was what Christ meant when He celebrated the Last Supper.  He said held up the Bread and said, "This is my Body."  In essence, the Word Made Flesh, the Author of Life, was making bread into Himself. What does that mean?

So I go to Mass as often as I can to receive the Body of Christ.  To my understanding, it is the most important thing that I do every day.  

How did God reveal Himself? He gave His Word to many in Holy Scripture. They wrote down these words that foretold the coming of the Messiah.  Then, centuries later, Christ fulfilled all of those prophecies. Then St. Paul and others went back into the Scriptures and showed everyone what God had done when they weren't paying attention.  St. Paul was saying, "Look at all of these fulfilled prophecies!" And someone might look at the same and say, "Coincidence."  

It is the teaching of the Church that everyone is called to Holiness.  That is what God wills for everyone.

Before I formed thee in the bowels of thy mother, I knew thee: and before thou camest forth out of the womb, I sanctified thee, and made thee a prophet unto the nations.

So, if that is what God wills for me, then I should strive for that.  I might as well do it now because I'm going to have to do it sooner or later. The alternative is not good.  

I don't want to go on too long and bore you, but I'm just trying to impart a little of what I understand in Faith.  That is how I seek God.  Also I pray.  

"Seek ye therefore first the kingdom of God, and his justice, and all these things shall be added unto you."

[Wimpy]

Soon, I'll be forced to create a Christopher Marlowe folder. :up:   I saved this writing of yours as "Christopher Marlowe-God Talk-TIU"

Today I went to Walgreens to purchase a new pair of reading glasses and during check out I received some change back, noticing immediately a silver quarter (1964).  I showed it to the Indian woman cashier and briefly explained the unusual nature of this coin.  When I arrived home I opened the bag snipped off the cumbersome plastic anti-theft tag and noticed that the "Item # " on this tag was the same as the Bank account number of mine that I had just earlier (prior to buying the glasses) made a deposit.

Yes, I felt that God was telling me something,... maybe I should shop more at Walgreens.  Naw, couldn't be that mundane!

[Wimpy]

Re-reading the above post of mine I must say it sounds a little contrived and facetious but It is entirely true.

[Christopher Marlowe]

I believe you Wimpy.  I thought about your story. Though the story seems loaded with meaning, I'm cautious about saying what anything "means". The elements of your story have different connotations for me than they do for you. Maybe it's a wink from God.

I sometimes think that these things happen in order to sustain us on our journey and to make us grow in faith.  It seems that faith can be easily gained and then lost, depending on our circumstances.  But if we are sustained, for everything flows from Grace, then God can accomplish great things in us.  

There is an interesting passage from the Gospel of John, which I don't really understand:

Philip findeth Nathanael, and saith to him: We have found him of whom Moses in the law, and the prophets did write, Jesus the son of Joseph of Nazareth.

And Nathanael said to him: Can any thing of good come from Nazareth? Philip saith to him: Come and see. Jesus saw Nathanael coming to him: and he saith of him: Behold an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no guile.  Nathanael saith to him: Whence knowest thou me? Jesus answered, and said to him: Before that Philip called thee, when thou wast under the fig tree, I saw thee. Nathanael answered him, and said: Rabbi, thou art the Son of God, thou art the King of Israel.  Jesus answered, and said to him: Because I said unto thee, I saw thee under the fig tree, thou believest: greater things than these shalt thou see.

And I'm thinking: What did that mean to Nathaniel when Jesus said that He saw Nathaniel under the fig tree?  

I don't think it meant that Jesus was really far away from the fig tree, proving to Nathaniel that Jesus had Super Vision. But obviously it REALLY MEANT something to Nathaniel. Nathaniel went from doubting: "Can any thing of good come from Nazareth?" (St. Louis?) to believing that Jesus was the Son of God.  

And the interesting thing about God is that He provides BOTH the symbol and the context. We are completely dependent upon Him: God created fig trees; He gave Nathaniel life; God showed a fig tree to Nathaniel at a certain time in Nathaniel's life, under specific conditions that established a particular meaning and association to Nathaniel; At some point, Nathaniel did something significant, or something significant happened to Nathaniel under a fig tree.  Maybe the first time Nathaniel ever sincerely prayed to God was when he was standing under his favorite fig tree; Maybe Nathaniel prayed to God that he would see the Messiah...  It could be a million things.

But God provided the symbol: the fig tree; and the context: the meaningful event, particular to one person, Nathaniel. Why? So that Jesus could reveal Himself to Nathaniel, and Nathaniel would recognize the Son of God.  And all that was accomplished through the Grace of God.

Whatever these things mean, I don't think the purpose is to attach significance to the object itself. For example, I don't think that Nathaniel was not meant to become a fig farmer, but rather to follow Christ. Most of the time, I believe that objects are just a means of accomplishing God's Grace.  (Of course, with the Sacrament of Eucharist I would make an exception, but that is a long topic.)

[abduLMaria]

If you stay in academia long enough, you will find that many of the faculties are full of liars, fools, homosexuals, and hypocrites.

sounds like ... San Francisco, Hollywood, and Beverly Hills.

[Wimpy]

From the Gilad Atzmon website-Professor Francis Boyle-Zionists and Academia.

[youtube:nzl505zz]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wtE9wd1uU[/youtube]nzl505zz]

[Wimpy]

Thank you for the thoughtful response Christopher.

[HydroMoron]

God be showing me extraordinary signs in life also!!! It be magical!!!

[Wimpy]

Oh, for Christs' sake.  You be doggin' me Reeler?  I be slappin' yo azz beeotch.

[Panoptimist]

Christopher, thank you for your insight. I've been thinking a lot about it all. Now God is always on my mind. I really want to read this book for some balance (especially after I've read a lot of jewish/masonic/occult bullshit in my search for the truth). http://www.paperbackswap.com/Between-Ch ... ok/246572/ He also has a book called Occult Bondage and Deliverance I want to read as well. They're in the library up here, no time to read them.

I do not yet have the time to devote to reading the Bible. I'm going to start this winter. Recommend any companions.

There's a single, tan curtain covering the window to our bedroom. Sometimes I lie in the bed and stare at the ceiling and about the room, noting the shapes and shadows created by the spots of light that infiltrate the spaces between the curtain and the window.

The curtain is ruffled at the top of the window, the effect of this being a projection of geometrical shapes lengthwise across the bedroom ceiling.

Well, I promise you, that this morning (well, it was the afternoon), upon awakening I looked at the curtain and the way the light was shining through, a perfect outline of the Son's face was very apparent, and the light shapes on the ceiling above the window (created by the ruffles) seemed a perfect crown (of thorns?) over his head. I really wish I had a camera. Sounds like a ebay grilled cheese story, but its entirely true.

Anyway, I appreciate all of the continuing discussion. It shames me that I am not familiar enough with the bible to really place any of it in context, which makes this endeavor quite challenging, but it is next on my list of things to do. Sometimes the amount of material is overwhelming.

[Christopher Marlowe]

I looked at the curtain and the way the light was shining through, a perfect outline of the Son's face was very apparent, and the light shapes on the ceiling above the window (created by the ruffles) seemed a perfect crown (of thorns?) over his head. I really wish I had a camera. Sounds like a ebay grilled cheese story, but its entirely true.

Don't be afraid to pray to God. Sometimes I think we are called to prayer, and then we resist.

Prayer can be very deep. I think it is also important to pray with humility because "He hath put down the mighty from their seat, and hath exalted the humble." Ask God for Faith and Humility and Patience, and any other Graces that you need.  God will give you everything you need. I don't doubt that you have seen the shadows on the ceiling, but there is really no limit to what God can do.  

I remember that, long ago, after I had witnessed many small miracles, I tried to bring them into being myself.  And that was very foolish of me.  That was just my ego trying to make a big impression.

I think when God shows me something, it is to show me who He is.  And that is done in order to give me Faith so that I will listen to Him.  What I started doing was trying to get power, and that is not what it is about at all.  

As you were saying in another post, God had order, and then Satan rebelled.  And I thought what you wrote was very insightful, because it shows that underneath it all, God's plan is very ordered and good.  Obviously if God is going to set things right, it will not be by giving ego-maniacs power to create useless miracles.  

I had a bad self image, and I always felt that I was a disappointment. It was hard for me to believe that God knew, before I was even born, who I was going to be at this moment. And God created me for a purpose. I kept seeing myself from an earthly perspective.  But God doesn't see me that way. God knows every thought I ever had, and will have; God saw all the lies I told and every bad thing I've done. And despite all of that, God loves me more than even my mother.

So I don't need to do magic. I only need to be what God intended me to be. And no matter what that is, that will be awesome.  

Lately I have begun to think of Heaven more. I am yearning more to go to Heaven.  It's not like I think I am going to die soon, but I think about passages like, "For better is one day in thy courts above thousands. I have chosen to be an abject in the house of my God, rather than to dwell in the tabernacles of sinners."  

It shames me that I am not familiar enough with the bible to really place any of it in context, which makes this endeavor quite challenging, but it is next on my list of things to do.

I hope you do. If you read the Bible for just 15 minutes a day, you can read the whole thing in one year.  

When you read the Old Testament, some passages might leave you wondering: Huh? But understand that the Old Testament is to provide context for Jesus. Everything in the Bible points to Jesus. Jesus is the whole reason for the Bible. So things that seem a little strange in the Old Testament prefigure things that happen in the New Testament. And every time you read the Bible, you will notice new things because it is full of Wisdom.  

I read the St. Jerome edition of the New Catholic Study Bible, but there is also the Douay-Rheims Bible, which is an earlier translation of the St. Jerome Bible. The DR has nicer poetry, but is more difficult at some points.

Pray and read and ask for Faith. God can do amazing things in your life.

[HydroMoron]

yeah muhr-fuckas,

a nigga lost muhr-fuckin faith in Christianity, God etc but ever since finding out about what the future may look like(immorality etc) I started going back to church after not going for about 8 years. A nigga doesn't like going to church - it makes my head hurt - but I still will embrace elements of Christianity as a moral compass. A nigga will still embrace the concept of Christ.

[Christopher Marlowe]

but I still will embrace elements of Christianity as a moral compass. A nigga will still embrace the concept of Christ.

I'm glad. That's great news. Run to Christ and find Peace and Forgiveness.  
I am a sinner.  Christ knows this and loves me anyway.  I can confess my sins and find peace.

But I hope you will come to realize that Christ is more than just a "concept"; He is a living person.
He will come again in Glory to judge the living and the dead. Oh yes.  

He is the Vine, we are the branches. Remain in Christ.

I AM the true vine; and my Father is the husbandman. 2 Every branch in me, that beareth not fruit, he will take away: and every one that beareth fruit, he will purge it, that it may bring forth more fruit. 3 Now you are clean by reason of the word, which I have spoken to you. 4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abide in the vine, so neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine; you the branches: he that abideth in me, and I in him, the same beareth much fruit: for without me you can do nothing. 6 If any one abide not in me, he shall be cast forth as a branch, and shall wither, and they shall gather him up, and cast him into the fire, and he burneth. 7 If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, you shall ask whatever you will, and it shall be done unto you. 8 In this is my Father glorified; that you bring forth very much fruit, and become my disciples. 9 As the Father hath loved me, I also have loved you. Abide in my love. 10 If you keep my commandments, you shall abide in my love; as I also have kept my Father's commandments, and do abide in his love. 11 These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and your joy may be filled.

[Panoptimist]

"...But say, if our Deliverer up to Heav'n
Must reascend, what will betide the few
His faithful, left among th' unfaithful herd,
The enemies of truth; who then shall guide
His people, who defend? Will they not deal
Worse with his followers than with him they dealt?"
     "Be sure they will," said th' angel. "But from Heav'n
He to his own a comforter will send,
The promise of the Father, who shall dwell
His Spirit within them, and the law of faith
Working through love, upon their hearts shall write,
To guide them in all truth, and also arm
With spiritual armor, able to resist
Satan's assaults, and quench his fiery darts,
What man can do against them, not afraid,
Though to the death, against such cruelties
With inward consolations recompensed,
And oft supported so as shall amaze
Their proudest persecutors: for the Spirit
Poured first on his apostles, whom he sends
To evangelize the nations, then on all
Baptized, shall them with wondrous gifts endue
To speak all tongues, and do all miracles,
As did their Lord before them. Thus they win
Great numbers of each nation to receive
With joy the tidings brought from Heav'n: at length
Their ministry performed, and race well run,
Their doctrine and their story written left,
They die; but in their room, as they forewarn,
Wolves shall succeed for teachers, grievous wolves,
Who all the sacred mysteries of Heav'n
To their own vile advantages shall turn
Of lucre and ambition...
...so shall the world go on,
To good malignant, to bad men benign,
Under her own weight groaning till the day
Appear of respiration to the just,
And vengeance to the wicked, at return
Of him so lately promised to they aid
The woman's seed, obscurely then foretold,
Now ampler known thy Savior and thy Lord,
Last in the clouds from Heav'n to be revealed
In glory of the Father, to dissolve
Satan with his perverted world, then raise
From the conflagrant mass, purged and refined,
New heav'ns, new earth, ages of endless date
Founded in righteousness and peace and love
To bring forth fruits, joy and eternal bliss."