iWATCH - Orwellian Snitch Society

[Ognir]

[youtube:3klpp4xg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrs1DD0EbYc[/youtube]3klpp4xg]

The LAPD has just released a new Orwellian commercial for iWatch, a program that encourages residents to spy on each other and report any "suspicious behavior" (whatever that means) unpopular opinions perhaps?? to the authorities, who we're assured will sort everything out.

[Father Brown]

I watch, you decide.

[Christopher Marlowe]

So you're a waiter. You moved to LA to become an actor, but you're just one of millions. You don't have an agent, but you subscribe to a service that regularly gives notices casting calls for plays, movies and television shows. One day you see a giant casting call for a commercial. It's just a local commercial, so the money's not huge, but you'll get your face on TV in Los Angeles, and you'll be seen by all sorts of casting directors and agents.  And you'll have a professionally produced segment to add on to your demo reel.  

You wait in line for hours along with thousands of others. Finally you walk into a room with four casting directors sitting behind some fold out tables. They are all affecting a sense of self-importance and boredom.  And they are looking for handsome, cool people of every race: the blackest blacks, the whitest whites, the dot on the foreheadest Indians.  Because if every conceivable race of people is snitching on their neighbors, it's not really racist to snitch on your neighbors.  And if the cool, hip people snitch on their neighbors, then snitching his cool.  (It really is.)

The directors line up a mix of races, 10 at a time, and have each person read a part from the script, projected on a screen behind the directors. #1: "I watch my neighbors because there is nothing on television." #2: "My neighbor is an A-rab." etc...

You beathe deeply, and try to remember what you learned in your commercial audition class that was taught by a commercial audition casting director that was held in the director's guest house in Toluka Lake, and for which you paid $2500.  It suddenly occurs to you that you wasted $2500 dollars.  

You try to feel the part. Direct yourself.
What is your motivation?  You're concerned about terror.
Why? Because you lost someone on 9/11.  Good.  
You got a message on the machine from your brother.  You didn't get hear it until the next day because you were out of town...acting in a dinner theatre version of "Bus Stop."  You got a standing ovation, and $253 in tips.
Standing in the kitchen, listening to your brother's message: "We've been hijacked. I'm calling from the bathroom on my cell phone.  You're not going to believe this, but even at 28,000 feet I've got four bars.  I love Verison."  
     "Our plane has been hijacked by suicidal Muslim terrorists brandishing toenail clippers and screaming "Li-li-li-li-li-li!". One of them slit the stewardess's throat with a two-inch scissors from a sewing kit.
     "They hate us for our freedoms.  When the stewardess asked me if I wanted to buy a headset to watch the movie, I saw one of them sneering at me: hating me for my freedom to buy the headset.  
     "About 20 of us are going to storm the cockpit with some weapons we got from the stewardesses. Some of the people are going to strangle the terrorists with head sets, while others smother them with pillows.  
      "Listen little buddy, I probably won't ever see you again, but you have to struggle on an be brave for Mom, and... Oh no!  I see buildings and bridges!  They're going to crash the plane into the World Trade Cen...."

That's where the line went dead.  You were pretty sure that your brother was going to say "Center, building 1.", as in "World Trade Center, building 1."

They're almost to you! Gulp!  Deep Breath.   It's your turn to read your line:  "I spy on my neighbors because of my brother."

You walk out wondering if you overacted a little bit.  At the same time, you're proud because you felt a little tear leak out when you said your line.  You press your finger to your eye.  Yup.  A real tear.  You are a great actor.

A day later you get a call.  You got the commercial. They shoot it at a little studio on La Cienega, and it runs just a few weeks after that.  Everyone in acting class has seen your commercial, and that really cute one who says she's Henry Winkler's cousin seems really impressed. You make plans to meet for coffee at Priscilla's.

And soon you're sitting at the corner drinking a huge mug of $5 coffee that's already cold. By some freak coincidence one of the other people in the commercial is sitting at another table, wearing a head scarf and acting like a movie star. In the commercial that guy looks really tough, but in real life he's super gay. He's gayer than Harvey Fierstein singing "My Funny Valentine".  

You notice that Henry Winkler's cousin isn't paying attention to your boring story about the audition. She's checking out the guy at the table behind you who's much better looking than you are. He's more fit, his whiskers are thicker, and he's with his agent and they're reading over a script. Henry Winkler's cousin looks like she's going to start panting and rubbing against his leg.  

An then, in a split second, reality comes crashing down down like lightning, and it becomes obvious that you are a complete douchebag.

[LordLindsey]

What Christopher is saying is that in the world of the "elite," anyone from the outside is nothing but day-old newspaper to be used to line the bird-cage...but it DOES take that full day to realize it because you are "all the news that's good enough for print" for that day.

The sooner that these "people" realize that truth, the sooner things will change for the better across this world; however, I really don't know if there will ever not be an endless stream of "soon-to-be day-old newspaper guys and gals" for the Talmudic machine.

LINDSEY

[Father Brown]

Very funny, Chirstopher.

My favorite bit:

the dot on the foreheadest Indians

[mgt23]

disgraceful

[Free Truth]

Yeah, uh...
WE'VE been watching and we've seen some things that may be terrorist activity...  :?

[Free Truth]

Note the type of commercial... Short clips of different types of people (note the mix of races) saying short things. It's effective.

[jai_mann]

They wanna play games? Then play games with them! Narc on people in the police department anonymously and tie up the bastards. Maybe narc out the federal reserve...I'm sure we could get really creative with this...