Mandatory Palestinian Holocaust Denial Bills Draw Bipartisan Support - SATIRE

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Satire from Kevin Barrett


Mandatory Palestinian Holocaust Denial Bills Draw Bipartisan Support
https://kevinbarrett.heresycentral.is/2023/11/mandatory-palestinian-holocaust-denial-bills-draw-bipartisan-support/

Dissociated Press

Bills introduced yesterday in the Florida State Legislature and US Congress would outlaw references to the Palestinian Holocaust—and make Palestinian Holocaust denial mandatory. Under the federal bill, supported by President Biden, violators would be fined up to one million dollars and imprisoned for up to 30 years. The Florida bill, written by allies of Governor Ron DeSantis, imposes the death penalty on Palestinian Holocaust affirmers.

The DeSantis bill also includes an enhancement provision specifically targeting violators of Palestinian ethnicity. Under the bill, if an individual of Palestinian ethnicity refuses to deny the Palestinian Holocaust, that person's entire extended family would be executed by carpet bombing, and their neighborhood's health, water, electricity, and sewage services would also be blown up, with hospitals, ambulances, and gatherings of survivors of the initial bombing being high priority targets. The Florida Air National Guard, trained by Israeli pilots, would do the bombing, while genetic testing would be used to determine Palestinian ethnicity.

Jonathan Greenbutt of the Anti-Defecation League, the lobby that wrote both bills, explained that refusal to deny the Palestinian Holocaust is a symptom of anti-Semitism: "It's a growing problem. Polls show that until recently, fewer than one percent of Americans knew what the word Nakba meant, and Palestinian Holocaust denial was virtually unanimous. Today, people can see pictures of the corpses of the 6,500 women and children we've murdered in less than one month. They're starting to say the word genocide. If we don't nip this in the bud, Hitler will come back and herd the Jews into gas chambers."

President Biden, reveling in his new nickname "#GenocideJoe," appeared at a Rose Garden press conference to put a more moderate spin on the mandatory-denial legislation. "I question the numbers we're getting from the local health authorities and Doctors Without Borders, Amnesty International, the United Nations Human Rights Rapporteur, and other pro-terrorist groups. They say more than 10,000 Palestinian civilians have been killed, including around 6,500 women and children. I'm pretty sure it's really only 9,000 and 5,000. I also deny that Palestinians are being killed in gas chambers. That is a ludicrous allegation, since it would be extremely impractical to try to kill large numbers of people in hydrogen cyanide gas chambers, and there is no forensic evidence proving that any such chambers ever existed. And finally, I deny that the Zionists have a deliberate program to eliminate the Palestinian people from Palestine and replace them with a Jewish State, even though I myself am helping them do it, and indeed paying for it. So I am every bit as good a Palestinian Holocaust denier as my Republican counterparts, and expect that the Zionist billionaires who rule America will continue to lavishly fund my political campaigns."

God, finally reached after multiple attempts at His vacation home high in the seventh heaven, expressed outrage at the genocide, promised that its perpetrators and enablers would burn in hell, and opined that it might not be such a bad idea for the so-called state of Israel, along with the United States of America, to be scrubbed from the face of the Earth.