Nigel Farage is the obvious choice to restore 'Order! Order!

[mgt23]

Knowing that John Bercow is the first jewish speaker, my question is whats going on and what is the agenda here?

Nigel Farage intends to restore trust in the parliamentary system by ousting Commons speaker John Bercow from his Buckingham seat at the next general election. Hurrah! Having annihilated Bercow, he will presumably go on to stand as speaker and see off all opposition. Hurrah! Hurrah!

The speaker is the presiding officer of the House of Commons, the first commoner of the land, the supervisor of the administration of those who serve the House, the individual who addresses the Crown on behalf of parliament, and the first and last word in discipline. In short, someone with responsibility. For good measure, among UK officials the Speaker ranks above all non-royal individuals other than the prime minister, lord chancellor and lord president of the council (whoever/whatever that is).

So who better to restore "Order! Order!" to the Commons than the current leader of Ukip, celebrated motor-mouth, ale-drinker extraordinaire, lap dance champion, Enoch Powell groupie, self-proclaimed non-racist (even if David Cameron did unfairly describe his party as a bunch of "fruitcakes, loonies and closet racists") and wearer of possibly the finest pin-stripe in Europe?

He is the ideal man to rid the Commons of any hint of expenses-related corruption and scandal. After all, Farage ruthlessly rooted out corruption in his own party – of 12 MEPs in the last European parliament, one (former policeman Tom Wise) was charged with money laundering and false accounting, while another (Ashley Mote) was jailed for benefit fraud in 2007. Farage has been tough but fair throughout his tenure at the party. Ukip's head of communications Clive Page has not commited a single act of benefit fraud since working for Farage.

The speaker will also be expected to restore transparency to the House. Which again makes Farage the obvious choice. After all, the Ukip leader selflessly exposed the farcical expenses/allowances system in Europe by taking £2m of taxpayers' money in expenses and allowances in his 10 years as an MEP. With knowing irony, he further exposed the lack of transparency in the European Parliament by voting against the need for further tranparency in the EU.

Finally, there is the matter of discipline. Again, the married father of four has a proven track record. As Latvian lovely Liga told the News of the World in 2006, "I was quite shocked when he asked me to smack him during love-making ... He asked me if I would put him over my knee, but I refused, although I did give in and give him a few gentle taps while we were having sex ... It was like he needed for me to dominate him, he enjoyed being controlled. I found it all a bit weird."

Vote, vote, vote for Nigel Farage, as Dennis Potter almost said all those years ago. The job's as good as his.