Hitler Visits Oprah - Latest Tomato Bubble Production

[Idaho Kid]

From http://tomatobubble.com/id412.html
OPENING STATEMENT

The following "interview", though obviously a fictional event, accurately portrays what the ghost of Adolf Hitler would say in his defense. His "answers" to Oprah's questions are mostly based upon an extensive and careful reading of his writings and speeches from 1921-1945, as well as those of his inner circle.

One is at liberty to reflexively dismiss the veracity or accuracy of Hitler's answers, if one so chooses. However, what cannot be disputed, is that Hitler's responses to Oprah's questions truly represent what he would say if such an interview were possible. Indeed, some of Hitler's answers are direct quotes taken from his own speeches and writings.

In regard to Oprah's reaction, admittedly some "artistic license" was taken there. But as for the accuracy of all quotes, facts, and events presented in this work, all of them can be easily verified by way of a simple Google Internet search.  Don't let the whimsical setting of "Hitler visits Oprah" distract you too much, for this is utterly serious and scholarly history. Enjoy the show.

(Oprah walks out to loud applause, hugging and high-fiving her audience members as she walks towards the stage.)


Oprah: Thank you! Thank you!

Today, we have a special surprise guest that is going to shock America.

It was the year 1945 when, surrounded by the advancing Red Army, he and Eva Braun, his new bride of just hours, took their lives in a Berlin bunker. He had risen up from obscurity after World War I, and built a movement that shaped the historical events of his day. At the pinnacle of his power, his armies once dominated Europe from the Atlantic to gates of Moscow, and from North Africa to Scandinavia. Along the way he murdered 6 million Jews and terrorized an entire continent.

Today, we bring you a world exclusive interview with the man we all know as a monster, but whose German people knew as  'The Fuehrer'.

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Adolf Hitlerrrrr!

(Hitler walks out, 'Seig Heil' saluting and waving to the stunned crowd of mostly hysterical females. The audience gasps in horror as Hitler removes his hat and kisses Oprah's hand.  They then begin to boo and hiss loudly.
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Shoes and water bottles are thrown at Hitler. Shouts of "murderer", "Nazi bastard", "anti-Semite" and "Kill him again" ring forth from the angry mob. Oprah's security guards restrain a few of the more passionate audience members from rushing the stage.)

Oprah: (motioning towards the crowd) Settle down people. Settle down. I don't like him either but he is our guest. (turning towards Hitler) I'm sorry for the rude reception but you knew it was coming.

Hitler: It's quite all right. Forgive them Frau Winfrey, for they know not what they do.

Oprah: (motioning towards her chairs with her hand) Let's have a seat shall we?

Hitler: Danke

(Oprah again motions with her hand for the audience to settle down. After a minute or two, the agitated mob regains its composure. Oprah begins her interview of Hitler.)

Oprah: Well, not exactly like the receptions you used to get at those Nuremberg rallies is it Mr. Hitler?

(The audience laughs and jeers.)

Hitler: (chuckling) No Frau Winfrey, not exactly. But given the fact that 70 years of malicious lies and mind-bending propaganda have been imposed upon your lovely audience, it's to be expected. But I will make a prediction. By the time we are finished here today Frau Winfrey, they will have a very different opinion of me. Of that I am quite certain. And please, call me Adolf.

Oprah: Oh. Now I'm intrigued. And please, call me Oprah.

Hitler: OK Oprah.

Oprah: So Adolf. Tell me. How do you intend to change our minds about you?

Hitler: By answering all of your questions the only way I know how, by telling the absolute truth!

Oprah: The truth according to you?

Hitler: Not my version of the truth Oprah, but the eternal truth as witnessed by the All Mighty. Do not mistake me for one of your deceiving degenerate democratic politicians, whose sole object is power, self aggrandizement, and pleasing the mob. As you Americans now say, "that is not how I roll." I have always said what I meant, and meant what I said. Go ahead Oprah. Try me, and let your studio and TV audiences determine if my words ring true or not.

You will arrive at your own verdict of course, but how can it be a just one without at least giving the accused a full and fair hearing? Justice demands that both sides of a case be heard. You have heard 70 years of accusations leveled against Germany. I ask but a fraction of that time to present our version of events, something which your history books have never done.

Oprah: Fair enough. Let's jump right into this and hear what you have to say. But before we get started on politics and history, I need to clear the air about something. I have to tell you Adolf, that I, as an African-American woman, was deeply offended and disgusted over that movie reel of you storming out of the stadium after Jesse Owens won his Gold Medals at the 1936 Berlin Olympics. How dare you! I don't care how much you hate Black folk. You showed no class whatsoever by disrespectfully snubbing a guest to your country like that.

(The audience cheers loudly for Oprah.)

Oprah: We have a newspaper headline from that time. (motions towards screen)

Hitler: My dear Oprah. First of all, I do not hate other races. My motto is: respect all peoples, but love your own.

Oprah: But you do favor Aryans, correct?

Hitler: Of course I do. Who else is going to look after our interests and safety? Mr. Obama? (Hitler laughs) Is there a problem with naturally identifying with one's own people? After all, in June of 2013, you yourself donated $12 million dollars to the National Museum of African American History, did you not?

Oprah: Well, yeah, but...

Hitler: But nothing! You could have given that money to a European museum, or to poor White children. Instead, you showed preference to your own people. You see Oprah, a natural love and loyalty for one's own people does not equate to hatred of other races, anymore than love for one's own children equates to hatred of your next door neighbor's children.

Oprah: You have a point there, Adolf. I must confess.

Hitler: Now, as to the event in question, the Owens affair. Your propaganda press lied then, as they still do today. Those movie reel clips were spliced together by deceitful anti-German propagandists. Herr Owens winning the race, and my leaving the stadium, are two separate and unrelated events. I never snubbed the young man at all. Owens was cheered by the German crowds, interviewed on German radio, and befriended by our athletes. Herr Owens himself has, on several occasions, confirmed that we waved to each other as he passed by me. Here, read Herr Owens's own statements.

(Hitler pulls out an index card from his briefcase and hands it to Oprah)

Oprah: "When I passed the Chancellor, he arose, waved his hand at me, and I waved back. I think the writers showed bad taste in criticizing the man of the hour in Germany."

Hitler: Here is another.  (Hands card to Oprah)

Oprah: "Hitler didn't snub me -it was FDR who snubbed me. The president didn't even send me a telegram." 

Oh my Lord! This is news to me. So the Jesse Owens snub was a lie?

Hitler: Absolutely. But there's more Oprah. Owens and I had a photograph taken together, while shaking hands. I found him to be a most gracious and polite young man.

Oprah: Wait a minute! You're claiming you took a photo with Jesse Owens? I find that very hard to believe Adolf. Why didn't Owens ever show this photo to anyone?

Hitler: Herr Owens was smart enough to know that if he destroyed the "snub" myth, it could have a negative effect upon his future opportunities. He carried the photo in his wallet, and finally showed it to German sports writers in the 1960's. He asked the writers if they would publish it, but they could not. One of the writers, Siegfried Mischner, finally confirmed this in 2009. (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1205572/Hitler-shook-hands-black-1936-Olympic-hero-Jesse-Owens.html) I know not what became of Herr Owens's copy of the photo, but I still have mine. I anticipated that this matter would come up, so I brought it with me. Your people have all of my exhibits. Can we get the Owens photo up please?

(Hitler points to the big screen. The image of Owens and him appears.)

Oprah: Oh-My-God!

*Below is a photo-shopped artistic rendering. Owens's photo was never seen in America and disappeared after his death.

   
(The audience gasps in disbelief and begins to stir.)

Hitler: One final point, Herr Owens is very prominently featured in Olympia, the official German documentary of the Games. So, as you can see my dear ladies, and gentlemen, your propaganda press has lied to you. And I can assure you, the ludicrous litany of lies extends far beyond the deliberate distortion regarding my conduct towards Herr Owens.

Oprah: I am so sorry I attacked you over this issue Adolf. I am at a total loss for words.

Hitler: No need to apologize my Chocolate sister. It is your government and your press that should apologize for lying to you and your audience.

Oprah: "Chocolate sister", Ha Ha Ha. That's funny. Don't even mention chocolate. That's one of my weaknesses.

Hitler: That is quite evident.

Oprah: Adolf!

Hitler: Just kidding my dear.

Oprah: You may have cleared your name on this Jesse Owens story Adolf, but you still have a whole lot of other things to answer for.

Hitler: Bring it on baby!

Oprah: OK. Let's get started. Now you weren't actually born in Germany. You were born in Austria in 1889. Tell us about your childhood and early years.

Hitler: At that time, Austria was part of the Austro-Hungarian Empire. Austrians are Germans. Any distinction between Austrians and Germans is artificial. Austrians, Bavarians, Prussians, Hessians - we were all German. My mother's name was Klara. She was a saintly woman, totally devoted to her children. I had a younger sister named Paula, and two half siblings from my father's first marriage.

My father was a customs official named Alois. He wanted me to follow in his footsteps, but I wanted to become an artist. We often clashed over this. Father passed away in 1903. Though I honored and respected my father, I truly loved my mother. It was she who instilled in me the belief that I could accomplish anything if I believed in myself. I was devastated and inconsolable when she passed in 1907.

(Hitler pauses as he regains his composure.)

Oprah:  (putting her arm on Hitler's shoulder) She sounds like a wonderful woman Adolf.  We have a picture of her, and a baby picture of you. (motioning toward the big screen) Klara Hitler and the Baby Fuehrer.

(Hitler wipes a tear from the corner of his eye.)

"Outwardly, his love for his mother was his most striking feature. While he was not a "mother's boy" in the usual sense, I have never witnessed a closer attachment...In the practice of my profession it is natural that I should have witnessed many scenes such as this one, yet none of them left me with quite the same impression. In all my career I have never seen anyone so prostrate with grief as Adolf Hitler."

Jewish Dr. Eduard Bloch - on Hitler's reaction to his mother's death.

Oprah: So now, your just 18 years old, dirt poor, both of your parents are gone, and you have no connections. You originally wanted to become an artist, a painter. What happens now?

Hitler: I had moved to Vienna in 1905 and supported myself by selling my paintings and drawings. I was disappointed and confused when my application to the Vienna Academy of Art  was rejected. Whereas I was a classical artist, the Marxist inspired trend towards degenerate "modern art" was already growing. Perhaps that is why I was rejected.

Oprah: Well, I have to admit Adolf, having reviewed some of your work, I too cannot understand why you were rejected. It's really quite good. Look at these images. They are beautiful. (motioning towards the screen)

(The audience gasps as the images flash by one at a time.)



Oprah: I had no idea you could paint like this! I'd buy these for sure. People! Let's give it up for Hitler the fine artist.

(The audience applauds lightly.)

Hitler: (bowing) Danke. Danke.

Oprah: So. You were turned down from the Academy in 1908. Then what?

Hitler: I drifted. Alone and poor, I spent my time painting and devouring the great books of the library. I often read one book per day. My education is self taught.

Oprah: What did you study?

Hitler: Everything I could get my hands on. Literature, philosophy, architecture, science, history, poetry. My appetite for knowledge was limitless, as was as my aptitude for retaining information. More importantly, I also spent much of my time thinking, reflecting, and observing how the world around me works. Material poverty sharpened me and taught me great lessons.

Oprah: And then came The Great War.

Hitler: Yes. In 1914, a war that was forced upon Austria-Hungary and the German-Reich.

Oprah: Forced upon the Germany and Austria-Hungary? Explain.

Hitler: By 1914, the German Reich had become a great economic power. For reasons rooted in ignorance of economics, and also to petty envy, some in Britain and France wished to see Germany defeated, divided and controlled. Standing above and behind this Allied desire was the International Jewish Money Power, which also sought to bring the emerging German power, as well as the rest of Europe, under their Communist-Capitalist yoke of control.

Germany was bound to a mutual defense Treaty with Austria-Hungary, and also the Ottoman Turkish Empire. These three states were known as "The Central Powers". On the other side, Britain, France, and Russia were also parties to a defense treaty, "The Entente". One wrong move, and this powder keg of adversarial alliances could explode at any time.

Oprah: Right. I do remember learning about the competing alliances in history class. Except I never heard the part about the jealousy towards Germany and the Jewish angle.

Hitler: Remember Oprah. History is written by the winners.

Oprah: Good point. So, wasn't there some assassination that kicked off the war?

Hitler: Yes. The Austrian Arch-Duke Francis Ferdinand and his wife Sophie were murdered by Serbian conspirators controlled by an unseen hand. The Jewish controlled Austrian Press then spewed forth relentless propaganda against the Balkan nation of Serbia. Serbia was falsely accused of controlling the Serbian minority within the Austria-Hungarian Empire. The great danger here was the fact that Russia was the protector of Serbia. Any war against Serbia would trigger a conflict between the Entente and the Central Powers.

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